“Wake me up when it’s all Over”

ennui1

 

I just don’t seem to get over my ennui. Seriously, at times I wonder why do I lack ambitions in life. Why am I such a potato. My last post was an enthusiastic one about writing. Then what. Sleep till Kumbhkarana comes to wake you up. For all my un-Indian friends, Kumbhkarana is the brother of Ravana, the ten headed villain of Indian mythology – the Ramayana. And Kumbhkarana is renowned for sleeping six months in a year. Enough of crap. My heart has the plot my hand wants to work but my brain keeps saying, “Maybe later”. Then how on Earth will I be able to complete any of, not dreams, but what I see myself doing whenever I visualise my future. Okay, the world is caught up in a rat race, why do we want to prove ourselves. I mean, aren’t we already proof enough. Proof of something though. So what do I have in mind and the next big question, do I reveal whatever I have in mind here, or the next bigger question, what if I reveal and then I’m unable to accomplish what I reveal. Hence, chuck whatever I have in mind and roll over and sleep. I’m unable to catch hold of my lines of thought. There are times I wonder whether it’s me, in particular, who’s such a potato or is there something wrong with ‘Us’? I mean the entire modern human race who is so stuck up in the cycle of existing that everything feels like everything and everyday feels like everyday. Yeah I know I’m back on the big word – Existentialism, but I can’t detach myself from it. But yes, what I have in mind regarding my first book is not about Existentialism, though it may border a puny little on it. ‘Puny little’, my school teacher would very neatly slash out either puny or little because they almost have similar meanings but I feel that puny adds to the littleness of little while also the other way around. See, that’s what is happening to me. I’m gaining some kind of an “antic disposition” (Proudly, showing of Shakespeare’s jargon). Back to my first writing venture, I’ve promised myself that it’ll be done, completed, published (of course if someone agrees to publish it) by the end of 2016. There are many things I need to complete before the end of 2016 which includes clearing an important exam for my career. See, I’m trying to get ambitious. Oh lord, this blog was supposed to be about ‘issues that would make a difference and here I am with my rants about my lack of life in a biological life. But, isn’t the self the most important thing to talk about? Yes, but does it make any difference? We’ll see after a short nap. Okay. Enough. Sign out.

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